Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Recap: Vegas

I know, I know, what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay in Vegas. But a quick recap of my bachelorette party from earlier this year is too good to pass up. 

Vegas really started with a BuzzFeed article (only productive thing BuzzFeed has done for my life) about a swim suit that supposedly looked good on every, and I mean EVERY, body shape. And the kicker, it was only $6.99. 

Definitely spend two minutes to scroll through the article here

You can't not buy something for $6.99 that is going to make you look that good.  (Minus girl in neon green suit, we should probably chat, but glad you doing you.) Problem was I didn't really have anywhere to wear it. It's not exactly a suit that screams public swimming pool with your mother-in-law. 

You know in Bridesmaids how all it took to get everyone on board for a Vegas bachelorette party was one phone call? Like that but in a group chat.

(612) Vegas? 

(763) YAAAASSSSSSSS!!!

Picture this - no, literally picture this cause I took HUNDREDS of pics of myself in that goddamn swim suit because day drinking your life away for 48 hours straight makes you feel capable of anything and that you 100% look hot AF. 

'MERICA

Sorry that I blacked out the part where my "friends" were chasing me at the pool screaming, "come here my lil rotisserie ham!"

 
     = = = = =          

                                                                 







Personally I think that ham looks majestic. 

I'm really not going to elaborate more on what Vegas consisted of other than me refusing to take the suit off, and a lot of drinking. Drinking for free thanks to our dad friends who were dropping $$$$$ on a poolside cabana all weekend. 

P.S. If you're married to a guy from Detroit who is 46 years old, wears cowboy hats and is named Alan, he was definitely not on a guys trip in Colorado and was definitely in Vegas with a pre-loaded Visa card dropping dimes poolside on chicks half his age. That lil cocksucker and his other dad friends saved us a shit ton on drinks. Fools. I wasn't really into questioning morals until after we finished the bottle of Goose and Patron. 

Also we did Vegas so hard that on our last day all we were really up for was paying $9 to sit in a dark movie theater and watch whatever the hell was playing. That happened to be The Perfect Guy. Which please grab a case of boxed wine and your friends and watch immediately. Drink every time there is a fade out that would have been a commercial break had this been the Lifetime movie it deserved to be, and chug for the entire toothbrush scene. Yes, you'll know exactly what I mean.

And thank you Mr. Random who got one of my girl's number the night before and sent her dick pics the next day. At 10am. #Vegas


Spoiler alert, every friend from now until forever is getting that swimsuit for her birthday and/or bachelorette party. It's like an R-rated version of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.






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